Half Ass Halloween

Sometimes, I really feel like other parents need to calm it down.

Well, they shouldn’t (and please don’t!) because I really do enjoy seeing the creativity in their family themed costumes. I promise, I do. But it also exhausts me. And makes me realize how half-assed I’ve become with this holiday.

I think I need to quit Halloween. There, I said it.

Every year, I get really pumped when the 1st of October rolls around. “Bring on the pumpkins! The spooooky movies! ALL THE CANDY!

Then October 29th sneaks up and I realize three things:

  1. Half of my decorations are still sitting in a pile in the living room unhung, unlit, and uncarved. This leads to nagging from my husband and a lecture about how I “always start a project and never fi-…” blah, blah. You get the rest.
  2.  I still haven’t figured out what 2/3 of my kids are wearing or I still haven’t bought it. Cue the dramatic run to my Amazon app to see what’s available for 2-day shipping.
  3. I already feel like the holiday has come and gone and I didn’t really enjoy it. And it hasn’t even happened yet.

Anyone else?

The clock ticks and I’m scrolling Amazon not only looking for a costume, but then cursing the site for having costumes that only cost about the same as my left ear on the black market. (What is the going rate for that? Always been curious.) Seriously. I found a Toy Story themed costume that was being sold for $699.99. (Go on, click if you don’t believe me.)

So. Let’s recap yesterday’s events. Mind you, it’s a Tuesday Halloween, which is probably the 2nd worst day to have it besides Monday because nobody likes these two days.

Set the scene: Tuesday morning, awakening from the parental guilt hangover of not taking our five year old to Trunk or Treat at her school the night before where she could have seen friends and teachers. Also, add a bit of guilt for missing the 187th PTO meeting that occurred before it. 

Mom: “Does she get to dress up for school? Are you allowed to dress up for school?”

5 YO: “We get to dress up at night at the school.” (Child confuses days which indirectly brings guilt to parents again.)

Mom, already 23 minutes past the time she should get out the door: “Where’s the baby’s Olaf costume? I only have the hat and the undershirt.”

Action: Screw it, no puffy suit to make her actually look like a snowman. Gets to daycare and half-assedly puts on 2/3 of a costume. Good enough.

*Day goes by*

HOA: Pizza from 5-5:45! Parade starts at 6!

Us, at 6:15: 5 YO is in a costume purchased for a themed party. Not the costume we’ve had since April. It’s lost in the laundry or lost in her room or lost in the forest for all I know. She’s now Elsa in her coronation dress, with smudged cat costume paint on her face. (Why? Just why??) She planned on being Owlette from PJ Masks. Same thing. Baby now just has the hat on her head. Not even the undershirt. 1/3 of a costume. Barely good enough.

Last one to get the pizza, an hour late. Missed the parade. I played scary music on my phone and put on googly eyes so it looks like I at least tried.

BUT. Here comes the moral of the story. Cue the Danny Tanner music.

We did hit up 30+ houses. The baby had 0 meltdowns. My five year old crossed the street successfully with only scaring the ever living shit out of me one time. She got to hand out handfuls of candy (after wiping snot on her hands – there’s the TRICK!) to a bunch of kids while I played with Snapchat filters on my phone, giggling like a teenager.

We made it!

Now I just pray my kid looks back on this day in 20 years and remembers laughing, getting a TON of candy, and staying up late on a sugar high. Not the whole “Mom sucks at Halloween and Dad hates Halloween” part. Oops.

PS: Hyperlinks included don’t make me money. I just want to prove I’m not making it up or what the hell an Owlette is.

PPS: Enjoy the Snapchat googly eyes.


Comment below if you feel the need. Tell me I’m not alone or just brag about your awesome costumes you hand stitched and started in July. I dare you. 

3 thoughts on “Half Ass Halloween

  1. We don’t even let KJ have candy yet (she has had exactly ONE jellybean, at Easter, and it was a black one) but we dressed her up for Treatsylvania, daycare Trunk or Treat and Trick or Treating. Simply because I didn’t want to feel the Mom guilt today on Facebook…And now we have about 4.5 lbs of candy that will be added on to my baby weight.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like you guys had a great Halloween! My dumb ass first time mom self thought everyone needed to see my kid on his 2nd Halloween not even his first so we drove prob 70miles round trip all the fuck over northwest indiana visiting all the grandparents and great aunts and uncles. Hello it’s fucking Halloween not even Christmas. Never again, so I had a crabby ass kid that was over tiered and didn’t sleep all night so mom didn’t sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

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